Saturday

While terrorists have captured the resources of law enforcement in most American cities, Tallahassee is increasing security for its annual Florida State/Florida football rivalry extravaganza. It seems security officials are determined to prevent the ravages of hooligans bent on storming the football field after the game and tearing down the goal posts. The athletic director stated that he will do everything possible to make sure people don't come on the field. Since football players may really be athletic cyborgs rather than human, a sigh of relief came over the town as it realized it would be allowed to see the players on the field, despite the warnings.